Nice to meet you.
My name is NAOKO from “sunao_iro”.
From JAPAN.
Thank you so much for visiting sunao_iro‘s blog today. ☺
I started Sunairo about 3 years ago (in 2022), but I put it on hold and decided to revive it now.
On this page, I’d like to share a brief introduction about myself and how I got to where I am today.
I am not proficient in English, so I am using AI to translate.
Therefore, there may be some discrepancies between what I want to convey and the actual translation.
Thank you for your understanding.🙇♀️
What is “sunao_iro”👇
Current Profile
I don’t have any particular title right now.
After getting a divorce in 2023, I’m no longer a housewife and don’t have any children, so I’m just a middle-aged person (born in 1975).
I consider myself someone who couldn’t keep up with society’s expectations, my parents’ expectations, and the constraints of relationships.
Many people might see me as a failure in society.
But I’m okay with that ☺
I’ve grown tired of the world’s pace and have decided to give up and create my own path. ✨
The Foundation of My Beliefs
Knowledge and Experience as a Former Therapist
Although I quit about a decade ago, I used to be an aromatherapist and color therapist (Aura-Soma).
I even had my own private salon.
I loved being a therapist and thought it was my calling.
But besides loving aromatherapy and Aura-Soma, I also wanted to be seen as cool and stylish, so there was a part of me seeking validation.
Aromatherapy and Aura-Soma
I started learning about aromatherapy when I was around 27.
I’ve always disliked medicine and hospitals, but when I came across “aromatherapy” on the internet, I was immediately drawn to it.
Later, realizing the importance of mental health care, I also started learning about “Aura-Soma,” a form of therapy that uses colors, which I loved.
Although I started learning Aura-Soma for the sake of my clients, it has always supported me.
Even though I’m quite fickle, I’ve never lost interest in aromatherapy (the scent of natural plants) and Aura-Soma (the language of colors, numbers, astrology) for over 20 years.
The foundation of my beliefs still lies in the deep world of Aura-Soma, including the colors I learned about at that time, and this is also the basis of what I discuss in “sunao_iro.”
Sharing My Past
A Strong Desire for Validation and Difficulty Accepting Myself As I mentioned earlier
I had a strong desire for validation and was very concerned about what others thought of me.
In addition to aromatherapy and Aura-Soma, I invested a lot of money and acquired many qualifications and titles.
I thought, “If I get this qualification or skill, I’ll be satisfied.”
But it was an endless loop of wanting more and more.
I was always feeling unsatisfied and lived to be recognized by others.
My ex-husband had a gambling addiction.
I got divorced in 2023, and my ex-husband was a gambling addict.
He would borrow money from everywhere he could to gamble, and when I found out, he would stop… only to repeat the cycle.
I could have probably bought a used house with all the money he wasted. Haha.
And I was always thinking,
“How can I pay off the debt faster?”,
“How can I manage our finances?”,
“How can I get my ex-husband to stop gambling?”,
“How can I stabilize my ex-husband’s mental state?”
I was constantly focused on things outside of myself.
Because I was also using a lot of energy on my parents, I was listless during this period and felt unwell almost every day.
A Turning Point to Look Deeply into Myself
My ex-husband’s gambling addiction was a challenge for me as a therapist.
I thought, “I can fix this!” but it only got worse.
My confidence as a therapist was shattered, and I even regretted being a therapist.
So, I started to change my perspective and thought, “Maybe there’s something about me that’s contributing to my ex-husband’s worsening gambling addiction.”
After all, it was continuing to get worse.
Since I had always believed that “everything happens for a reason,” I began to think, “Maybe my ex-husband is a reflection of myself.”
From there, I started to face myself more deeply.
Dominating and Overprotective Parents
I began to apply the knowledge and wisdom I had gained as a therapist to myself and started to face myself more deeply.
There, I saw things that I had been suppressing and repressing deep inside of me.
A big one was my parents.
My father was overly worried and overprotective, and my mother was overly competitive.
I remember hearing my parents arguing loudly at night, and it was so painful.
Even after I became an adult, the loud arguments stopped, but most of my parents’ conversations were negative, and I felt drained after seeing them.
I felt guilty for feeling that way, thinking of myself as an “ungrateful child,” and tried to be a good daughter by doing as my parents wished.
Dependence on My Parents
And I realized that I was codependent on my parents.
“How dare you talk to your parents like that!”
“Why can’t you listen to your parents?”
“Your parents work so hard for you!”
“I got praised by everyone today!” …
I had been conditioned to worship and praise my parents.
I realized that this control and fear were deeply rooted in me, and that I had been living to satisfy my parents’ need for approval.
There was no safe place for the real “me”.
“If I stay close to them, neither my parents nor I will be truly happy…”
As I faced myself, I realized that my parents’ values of happiness were incompatible with mine.
With my parents’ values, I would continue to suffer rather than be happy, and it wouldn’t be right to force my values on them either.
I moved out, escaping from my parents, even though I knew people might think I was cruel. That was in 2021.
My Feelings Towards My Parents
To be honest, I’m still afraid of my parents.
But I’m not angry at them.
It might sound like an excuse from someone who is arrogant and cold towards their parents, but I truly hope that my family can live a spiritually rich and independent life, feeling true happiness.
And I believe that me living my life as the real me is the true filial piety and an offering to my ancestors.
In Conclusion
During the time I took a break from blogging, I was mentally satisfied.
So I thought it would be fine if I could just live comfortably as I was.
But when I asked myself, “Will I be satisfied with that when I die?”
I realized that while I had overcome my suffering and felt at ease, there were many people in the world who were still suffering.
I know how to overcome suffering, but what if I don’t share it with those who are suffering?
I’ve decided to resume sharing because I think I should share my experiences, learning, knowledge, and wisdom before I leave this world.
I think of this as my blueprint and intend to live the rest of my life with this in mind (it sounds grandiose, but I’m serious. lol).
I hope a warm light shines on your heart. ✨
Let’s live together in this moment filled with love and abundance. ☺
sunao_iro🪷Naoko
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